When things in your life seem too much to handle,
when 24 Hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class with some items in front of him.
When class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He asked the students if the jar was full, they all agreed it was. So, the professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them in the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled around the golf balls and filled into the spaces between the golf balls. He again asked, “is the jar full?”; and again the students agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous “Yes!”. The professor then produced two cups of coffee from the table and poured the entire contents into the jar; effectively filling the empty spaces between the sand. The students laughed. As the laughter subsided, the professor said, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things, family, children, health, friends, and your favorite passions. The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else—the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “you will spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes.There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set priorities. The rest is just sand.” One of the students asked, “What does the coffee represent?” The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee with a friend.”

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.

Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.

Just for this afternoon, I won’t worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won’t stand over you trying to fix them.

Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald’s and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..

Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry. Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.

Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that G-d has given me the greatest gift ever given. I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their children’s graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly, and screaming inside that they can’t handle it anymore.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little

longer. It is then, that I will thank G-d for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day…..

This was written by a 29 year old father whose 10 year old daughter, Rachel, who suffers from brain cancer.  The only way to save her is through operation.  Please send your prayers to this family in hopes that this little girl will live a full and happy life

1. Only in America……can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.





2. Only in America……are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.





3. Only in America……do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.





4. Only in America……do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.





5. Only in America……do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.





6. Only in America……do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our

useless junk in the garage.





7. Only in America……do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.





8. Only in America……do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.





9. Only in America……do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.



.

10. Only in America……do they have drive-up ATM’s with Braille lettering.





EVER WONDER?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?



Why women can’t put on mascara with their mouth closed?



Why don’t you ever see the headline “Psychic Wins Lottery”?



Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?



Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?



Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?



Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?



Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?



Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?



Why do cows fly on GoofyAuctions.com but the cheese is green?



When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?



Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?



Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?



You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that stuff??



Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?



Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?



If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?



If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?



In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:



On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).



On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?



On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” (and that would be how???….)



On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” (but, it’s “just” a suggestion).



On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down.” (well…duh, a bit late, huh)!



On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating.” (…and you thought??…)



On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body.” (but wouldn’t this save me more time?)



On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.” (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)



On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (and.. .I’m taking this because???….)



On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (as opposed to…what?)



On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)



On Sunsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (talk about a news flash)



On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.” (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)



On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.” (I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)



On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Here are some fun video clips for you to enjoy!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.  "If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.  "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that’s why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE . "I brought you into this world , and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . "You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR . "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You’re just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.